The Art of Gift-Giving

a guide on exchanging gifts with the Japanese

by Yuki Kim

When I was a child, I sometimes felt like Santa Claus because my mother forced me to take gifts to my friends' houses. Although gift-giving was a nice thing, I kept telling her that it wasn't absolutely necessary in American society. After a few years of protest, I finally persuaded her to settle on equipping me with bags of chips and a 12-pack of soda instead.

 My mother wasn't the only Japanese person I observed performing this strange ritual. Whenever her Japanese friends visited, they always brought something wrapped in pretty paper and glorious bows. In Japan, when relatives called on my grandparents, they would often bring along a case of $100 melons or some other fruit.
 

For the Japanese, gift-giving at its finest is a token of appreciation, and at its worst, a competition. When you return a gift, yours must be better and more expensive. In turn, the gift you will receive will be better and more expensive than the one you gave. The value of the gifts increase successively.

Although this may seem extreme to Americans, the notion of gift-giving is not alien to us. We have all given or received gifts. The Japanese just integrate it into a part of their day-to-day life. Because gift-giving is such an important social aspect of Japanese life, it's important to be aware of some key factors. These pointers will guide you to know how and when to give and receive gifts.
 

• Devalue the gift you give. The important thing is to act and seem humble.  You don't want the recipient to think that you are arrogant or proud. Denigrate your gift as much as possible. It doesn't matter if the label on the box bears the symbol for Gucci. The Japanese value the appearance of a humble gift-giver who tries to shun away from praise.
 
• Praise the gift you receive. Although praising may seem obvious, overpraising the gift is the key. It's also important to praise the fine taste of the gift-giver in making that particular choice for you. And don't forget to give a thousand and one thanks.
 
• Don't open the gift unless you are urged to do so. And when you do, you must take the utmost care in unwrapping it. Don't look eager, and be careful that you don't tear the paper or cut the ribbon. After observing, praising, and thanking, be sure to rewrap the gift as if it had never been opened. Try to appear as if you take great pride in the value of the gift. Humility is valued in Japanese society as a virtue and even as a norm.
 
• Choose perishable/edible gifts. In general, don't buy things such ornaments, vases, and kitchenware; it's already assumed that everyone has these things. To do so may imply that you don't approve of the other person's taste. Also, most Japanese houses are very small and don't have extra space for useless junk.
 
• Offer something perishable or edible. Some suggestions include fruits, smoked salmon, canned goods, coffee/teas, jars of jam, and oils. Though not as common, fine wine or gourmet bottled drinks are options as well.
 
• Wrap all gifts attractively.  Wrap anything and everything with good-quality paper along with bows and ribbons. Japanese gift-giving is an art and it should be treated as such.
 
• You should look out for the colors when choosing your ribbons. Red and white are typically used for Valentine's Day, as red and green are for Christmas. Gold and silver are for weddings. Be especially careful with black and white - use those colors only for funerals. Because the Japanese can be quite picky and superstitious, be aware about the implications of certain colors.